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| Before Incident |
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| After Incident |
Walmart can be a scary place. The place you go to at midnight when you need a toothbrush and there is exactly one person in the store and he is one million years old and he follows you with his scary eyes. The place where hooligan teenagers go at 2 AM to steal shopping carts, trying to get kicked out so that they can tell their friends they got kicked out of Walmart as if that is the greatest thing on earth. The place where literally the strangest people talk to you and try to touch your baby. You know?
Well today me and my baby braved the scariness of Walmart for some essentials. There we were, waddling down the aisles of peanut butter and tortillas, when I started to feel some rumblings. I immediately knew what this meant.
Charlotte has a super power to blow out of every brand of diaper at any time of the day. It's like a dog-trick. "Charlotte, blow out," the universe says. "K cool bye," she says. Like four times a day.
And the universe told her to blow out right then, because as I had her strapped to me in her solly wrap, I saw the poop seeping out of her and onto everything. I stopped next to the bread to assess the damage. It was definitely on my shirt, and my shorts, and my undershirt, and my underwear. And it leaked out of both sides of her and up her back. It was all over the wrap she was in. And it smelled, really bad.
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| And this was only one side |
I think that at this time most people would have panicked and gone home, and I probably should have done just that. But I knew that I could either be covered in poop at home with a screaming baby or covered in poop at Walmart with a screaming baby. And we really needed some eggs. So I decided to play it cool and finish the task that I was there to do. After all, I didn't want to have to come back at midnight or 2 AM with the creepy old men and annoying teenagers.
So there I was, sauntering casually through Walmart, and no one who was farther away than 10 feet from me had any idea that I was in fact covered in poop. Anyone within 10 feet may or may not have known based on the smell.
It took twelve years to check out with the cashier. Literally, twelve years. And I realized after about eleven years of trying to buy my stupid food that I didn't have any wipes with me. So in Charlee went to her plush car seat, her poop now spreading all over my car.
Anyways. I'm officially a mom. It's awesome.
